The Folly of Lists

Many of us, somewhere about our person, have got a list of qualities we need or want in a partner. Sometimes the list is written down on paper, but mostly it's an internal list that changes from time to time, based on growth, experience, fluctuating values, circumstance. Five years ago, my list of requirements was miles long. When unfurled, it fluttered in the wind and caused all sorts of meteorological phenomena, like hurricanes in Panama. I won't bore you with the full contents, but to summarise, briefly: he had to be a missionary man. A bit like Jesus, really. But, you know, handsome. And funny. And really smart. I didn't give much thought to the kind of woman that such a man would be likely to find attractive; I just figured I'd be it when the time came.

I have a lot of married/partnered and engaged friends. I mean, a lot. More than the average, I'd like to suggest. I know that many of them had lists beforehand that equalled mine for detail and specificity. I also know that many, if not all of them, had to seriously revise The List on meeting their partner. In fact, it generally had to be pared down to minimum; male...shared values...full set of teeth...and yet - the whole thing worked out beautifully for many of my friends, and continues beautifully too, despite the disparity between The Man and The List.

I abandoned my list some time ago, which sounds a little bit tragic, but it's really not. The basic requirements in a partner are unshakable: a Christian, mission-minded man of integrity. But the partner himself - he's not foundational to my future happiness. At least, that's the point that I'm working towards. Being single will never be easy, and I don't think it ever has been, especially for women. But my perspective is changing. I can do whatever I want, go wherever I choose, for whatever period of time pleases me, and pursue grand goals with single-minded commitment, without a missionary man to help. In fact, I don't need the help of any man. It would be nice - but it's not essential. I have a God who knew and loved me before the foundations of the earth were laid; close supportive friends and family; a good education and a job that can take me absolutely anywhere. Anything else is a bonus. Right?

A list leads to disappointment. If you build hopes and dreams around the lofty idea of a person you've never met, you are bound to come crashing down to earth from a high place, and thus grind your bones and heart into a powder. That kind of hope is wildly misplaced. It is far safer and wiser to hope in Jesus, the ultimate man, so beautiful, strong, good and true. And far realer than a man composed of parts on a piece of paper.

Those brides of Christ - they weren't far wrong.